Conversation Between the Baddies
by Sphynx8
Summary: What happens when the bad guys are alone, what are their thoughts and other stuff. well dont ask me, lets just see.
1. Chapter 1

Conversation between the baddies

chapter I: homies

the undead just sat there watching as the barbarian came running towards them. "Well Fred, I think we are going to die today" "NAW YA THINK!" the barbarian swung his axe that he had entered town with down onto fred "AAH SHI..." the other zombie swung is arm at the barbarian and missed, "aw mother fu..." his head fell to the ground. A fallen that was standing across the field saw what had happened and he decided to run towards the den of evil "I'll be safe down here" he hears the screams from his comrades up in the plains, "DAMN YOU JERRY, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP US KILL HIM!" then the scream ceased, "aw crap" he saw the barbarian coming down the steps into the den "what the hell" he rushes the barb cutting him with the scimmy he held. "What now bitch" the barb looked at him and cut him with a sword that the shaman dropped, "oww, that hurt you ass" then he stabbed that fallen, killing him. The shaman in the area began to heal him back to life "no no no, don't heal me, that hurts like an mf, let me die damn it, ow ow ow ow ow" the barbarian threw an axe at the shaman, killing him instantly. The barb made his way to corpse fire. He began killing the minions that stood with corpse fire. The barb started losing health, then he notices he has no more potions "son of a..." just then corpse fire killed him. "YES YES YES, I KILLED HIM, WHAT NOW BITCHES, YOU GUYS SUCK" about a minute later corpse fire feels an axe in his back, aww sh..." just then he explodes.

An hour later after killing blood raven, he steps through the town portal and appears back in town to receive his award. A woman named Jill accompanies him with her bow. "So Jill, you are a merc are ya, do ya...well...have any other skills besides the bow?" "I don't know what your talking about..." she denies, maybe he don't know that shes a virgin and that she always dreamed of loosing it to a great hero. "Uh hello, you gonna talk to me?" we leads her to the tp back to the blood moor, and he takes her on his quests

ok tell me what ya think, not funny enough, or funny enough, tell me if ya think i should make a sexy comedy wink wink...LOL, well leave a review


	2. Zombies Day Out

**Zombies Day Out**

"Dude, I'm so happy I got promoted to act 2, now I'm bigger and stronger than before, I bet I can kill that barbarian that killed my friend Jim" the zombie said "uh….Tim, I'm right here" Jim says "oh…well….I was making it dramatic, I cant wait to get that damned barbarian that killed….oh wait, never mind sorry, but he still killed other friends, are you hungry man, I am starved" the two zombies wander out of the cave and into the open "do you know who this Tal Rasha guy is?"

About an hour later the two arrive near Lut Gholeim. "la la la la" a child sings as he runs through the desert. "Jim look, small brains, those are so yummy" the two begin to shuffle towards the little child, "god I wished I could run like those zombies in the movies, those guys suck" the child sees the two slowly coming towards him, "what the…" the child says, he begins to walk away "you zombies are so slow, I can practically walk away from you two" "why you little brat….I'm going to hurt you so bad…" he begins to shuffle faster "nya nya nya nya nya nyaaa" the kid pokes this tongue out of his mouth "oh your gonna get it now" just then, Jim feels something snap "WHA….." his left leg falls off "ha ha ha" the kids laughs at him "hey you stop, back before I died, I was a marathon runner, you don't understand us" dust poofs out of his eyes "we zombies have…feelings too…your…so…misunderstanding…waaa" he begins to cry "I'm gonna go now" Jim begins to shuffle away "im just go into town and get some Ahla King I love their hamburgers"

Jim arrives back at his guard spot and notices everyone is dead "aw crap, that barb came through here, didn't he" out of a corner a skeleton appeared, dude, where were you, we needed your help, I bet if you where here we coulda killed that a-word" "hey, I got hungry and me and Tim decided to go into town and grab a brain or two" "hey yeah, where is Tim?" "Oh Tim, yeah, well…he broke his leg…" "is he alright" "yah, he is probably back near town still their crying because of how us undead are 'sensitive' and we still have 'feelings', speaking of feelings, has Betsy said anything about me lately, I'm totally gonna get with her", "sorry to tell ya this man, but….that Barb killed Betsy" "HE WHAT! OH HE IS GOING TO DIE NOW!" "Calm down, I think Durial took care of him anyway" "oh well, im gonna go see if I can pee so I can pee on his body

Jim walks down into the Durials lair and finds that the body of the barbarian is lyingo the ground. "Hey big D, how…how are ya doing" "WELL…" he says in a very deep voice "…THAT BARB THOUGHT HE COULD TAKE ME, AND WELL, I F'ED HIM UP GOOD!" the two begin to laugh, "watch this D!" the zombie turns to the corpse of the hero and begins to do the dew…. "numbah 1 time buddy" the body is drenched is a kinda greenlish yellow "HOLY CRAP JIM, WHAT DID YOU EAT, THAT IS SO RAUNCHY, JEEZ, AND THAT'S JUST YOUR PEE, I FEEL SORRY FOR THE GUY WHO IS NEAR YOU WHEN YOU HAVE TO TAKE A DUMP!" "ha ha ha ha ha…." Just then Jim feels a sharp pain in his back, "UH, JIM, HAS THAT AXE ALWAYS BEEN IN YOUR BACK!" "…no…" he says weakly, then he falls to the ground "LOOKS LIKE THAT BARB CAME BACK FOR ANOTHER SPANKING….OH CRAP, DIDN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE BEHIND HIM, WEL….IM SCREWED"

Jim awakens in the third act "son of a bitch, cant I ever stay dead?"…………to be continued, only if you people want me to


	3. Can a Corpse Become a Zombie

**Can a corpse become a zombie**

**or**

**an intermission before Jim's act III adventure**

"Phillip..what a weird name" Terry the zombie says

"I know, Phillip the barbarian" Terry and Jim start laughing hysterically

"so when do you think he will make it here to the second level of...ummm...uh..."

"Catacombs" Jim interrupts

"..I was getting to it. Diablo damn it! So when do you think he will get here"

"Honestly Terry, I don't know"

"Are you Arachnids ready to jump him" Terry asks, they just make this weird squealing sound.

"Friggen Arachnids have no brain what so ever do they" Jim says

"So Jim, how did you get promoted to guarding Andarial?"

"Oh..well, bout a day ago I was hanging outside the den of evil and I saw him slaughtering our comrades, but he was low on health and..."

"How did you know that he was low on health?" Terry asks interuptly.

"I used my undead army benefits and bought the health bar eye upgrade, now I see everyones health, gets annoying sometimes, especially when im reading playbo...I mean undead weekly...but anyways I saw his health and decided to use it to my advantage. So i swung at him and killed him, there are a couple of promotees down here, some are just high leveled monsters."

"Wow, I don't know how I got down here!" terry exclaims

"I just woke up in an open coffin." he explains

"shh...he is here" Jim whispers

all the creatures waiting for him jump out and attack him, with in minutes the battle lay clear, PHILLIP DIED! But the army lost some good guys

"Terry!...TERRY!" jim yells

"I'm alive" he yells out

Another zombie walks out of the darkness

"TIM...you got promoted...crap, your hurt!"

Tim finds a health potion on the ground and drinks it "STRAW-BERRY YUUUUM!"

They start talking about the zombies in the movies. "Those guys think they are so cool, running, but they cant talk, HA! There is no way if they bite someone they will turn, do they?" Terry bends over and bites onto the corpse of the barbarian "Look nothing, tasted good though"

Within minutes the corpse stands up

"What the hell! Why am I alive?"

All the zombies start laughing "OH MY GOD, THAT'S SO FUNNY..."

The barb corpse turns his attention towards Terry

"BITCH!" the zombie corpse barb yells and swings his axe at Terry

"WHAT NOW BITCH, YOU HAVE NO HEAD...HA HA HA HA"

"OH SHIT!" Tim and Jim both jump the zombie corpse barb and kill him

"TEEERRYYYYYY, TEEEERRYYY! POR QUE! I mean...WHYYYY!"

They resurrect the corpse of the barb again, just for revenge, this time they hide and let the barb deal with...well...the barb.

The living barb encounters his corpse "What the FU...OH CRAP!" the corpse attacks him, but the living barb manages to kill himself...well his corpse anyways. He picks up his stuff and enters Andarials lair...THE END!

Sorry, I created this chapter lazily, but still, I think its pretty damn funny...R&R if you want me to...later peeps


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